Who do you want to be?

There’s this scene in Sex Education, a Netflix series, where the female character named Maeve comes out of a trailer, and on the door is a poster that says something along the lines of “You CHANGE when YOU change.” I don’t remember if it’s the right quote and I’m not even 100% sure it’s from that series. But I’m like 80% positive hehe! I tried Googling it but I can’t find it and I just can’t (or rather, don’t want to) spend my day surfing all episodes of Sex Education just to find that particular scene. It’s also been more than a year since I saw it, so I don’t remember exactly.

Anyway, I just mentioned this because of that particular poster on that scene that I’d like to give the spotlight to. And I’ll just quote it the way I remember it. It may not be how it’s worded, but it’s something to that effect. If you’ve seen it and if you remember it, please do let me know. Thanks!

“You CHANGE when YOU change.”

Some people want change. Others are afraid of it. Change has been the theme of my life for the past several years, particularly this year when my Personal Year Card is the Death card. Death does not literally mean what it’s called in the Tarot. It’s all about transformation.

Imagine yourself running on a hamster wheel. You keep running and running but you’re not really getting anywhere. You keep complaining about things and people that make life difficult for you. You keep thinking why your life doesn’t seem to change at all even when you’ve been working your ass off. You don’t like your life, but you keep doing the same things over and over again expecting something will happen and magically or miraculously transform your life.

“You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it.”

That was a quote shared with me back in 2019. It’s become a cliche, but it’s true that change begins with us.

“As within so without.”

No matter how many good people will try to help us or pull us out of our murky situation, we won’t be able to get out of it unless we make that first push.

Just jump!

Now don’t take that one literally. But if you’re going bungee jumping or free falling or skydiving, then you might as well… just jump! Standing on the edge for a longer time also means more time for your mind to feed you with uncertainties.

You see that girl in that mediocre artwork I did a couple of years ago? (Okay, saying it’s mediocre doesn’t mean I am undermining myself. It’s because it IS mediocre since I made it when I was just learning how to paint.)

She may have been running and running along the same path until finally, she decides to jump. She chooses to go after her dreams, her happiness. She must have told herself, “Fuck it let’s do it!”

She leaves the boring old road behind and reaches for a brand new beginning. She doesn’t know what’s out there, but she chooses the unknown. I am not saying leaving familiarity is easy because it is not. That’s why many of us choose to stay in a miserable situation because that’s the only thing we know. I once asked a friend, “If I choose the unknown, will there be an assurance that things will go well?” It was obviously a stupid question because how can there be an assurance when it is the unknown? This is the time when we learn to trust and surrender. To allow the natural ebb and flow of life. To let things unfold naturally in their Divine Timing.

Just quit!

Now, now. Not your dreams or aspirations. This is about your old habits. Habits that you have always said and believed you can never quit. “It’s just too hard! I can’t!”

I used to smoke… a lot. Then one day, I just quit. Ditched it. Some say quitting should be gradual. From 20 sticks a day, reduce it to 15, then 10, and then 5 until you finally stop. Some recommend vaping, but I honestly believe that it just defies the purpose.

It’s not just the negative effects of smoking that we don’t want, but the habit itself. It is our dependence on a stick of dried tobacco leaves that we are eliminating from our system. That each time we feel alone, stressed, agitated, angry, bored, full, or the need to go number 2 (or any other reason why we smoke), we won’t end up getting a cigarette and lighting it up just to satisfy our craving.

So if you want to quit smoking, stop beating around the bush. Just quit.

I’ve cut a lot of things (and people) out of my life – alcohol, rice, coffee, social media, including my 14-year-old Facebook account – all of which I had been immensely attached to. As for the people that I have severed ties with, I am grateful to them. I had a wonderful, fun, and crazy time. That phase of my life was less challenging because of them. I had experienced what I had to experience with them, I had learned what I had to learn from them, and in this new journey, I must continue without them. None of them knows I have this blog so I know they will never see this. But on the off chance that they will, I hope they know that I loved them.

Who do you want to be?

This is the most important question: Who do you want to be? Instead of wasting so much time focusing on who you were or who you think you are, place your attention on who you want to be. Then, be it.

Think about the qualities you should have to be that person. What should you look like? How should you dress or present yourself? How should you speak? How should you carry yourself? What should your home look like?

Let all your senses work. Let your eyes see the person you want to be. Let your nose smell the scent of that person. Let your ears hear what this person would listen to. Let your mouth speak in the way this person would speak. Surround yourself with things and people that that person should have.

Your mind will always try to contradict what you’re trying to do. It’ll even attempt to make you feel ashamed for “trying to be who you can’t be”. “Who are you kidding?!” Don’t believe that! “Feelingera! Ilusyonada! Ambisyosa!” Do not let these thoughts stop you. Well, to be fair, being ambitious isn’t bad at all. Own it. Be it. You’ll see how amazing things will unfold.

Make space for new beginnings

Back when we all used Nokia bar phones and our Inbox has reached its limit, there was a warning that said “No space for new messages”. It meant there was an incoming message that couldn’t come through because our Inbox was full. We had to delete a message or more in order for us to receive it.

Similarly, we have to let go of things that no longer resonate with us; of people who aren’t on the same page as us; and of thoughts, habits, and patterns that do not match or align with our goals.

Clear up your space physically and energetically. Shake things up at home or in your room to remove any stagnant energy. Most importantly, clear your inner space. Let go of fears, worries, inhibitions, and self-limiting beliefs. Embrace your power. Live up to your full potential.


P. S. I finally remembered the quote I mentioned at the beginning of this post.

“Nothing CHANGES if NOTHING changes.”

I may have remembered it wrong, perhaps it wasn’t posted on the door of a trailer, but at least I was right I saw it in Sex Education. I don’t want to dump what I wrote up there and I think the line “You CHANGE when YOU change” also makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it?

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